Nobody's home...

Everything starts with an end in mind.

2007-01-09T20:28:00.000+08:00

My thoughts are riding in a caravan to a new land.

This place has lost its reason for living.

http://saveourselves.wordpress.com

Travelling.

2007-01-09T13:40:00.001+08:00

Quiting PGP might be a good choice.

Travelling may not be that painstaking afterall. To me, its a period of serene and peace, where nothing happens and I don't have to worry about academics.

Light drizzling on the bus window with a cool breeze from the aircon, ears filled with good music. Those are the ingredients for a good old bus ride to school . Even though it takes 1h 30 minutes and after the whole ordeal, I cannot feel my ass anymore.

Sitting down there,seeing the scenery retreating into the back of your sight is gratifying.

Exasperation.

2007-01-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

Exhaustion is what I would associate Monday with from now on.

But today there was another E involved in the masquerade to throw me into a state of disappointment and disgust : Exasperation.

I was in my Reason and Persuasion lecture when there was this faculty mate from SoC.

He had a cap of 2.00 but he managed to change faculty.

So where does it leave me now ?

PS : Granted that he applied on time. And me ? Three months late.

2007-01-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

2 more days till school re-opens.

Frankly speaking, I am not looking forward to it neither am I cursing and swearing at its imminency. It's going to happen. It is an absolute fact. So people, accept it because y'all will be able to see me in school again. *Blows kisses*

忽然间毫无缘故
再多的爱也不满足
想你的眉目想到迷糊
不知不觉让我中毒
忽然间很需要保护
假如世界一瞬间结束
假如你退出
我只是说假如
不是不明白
太想看清楚
反而让你的面目变得模糊
越在乎的人
越小心安抚
反而连一个吻也留不住
我也不想这么样反反复复
反正最后每个人都孤独
你的甜蜜变成我的痛苦
离开你有没有帮助
我也不想这么样起起伏伏
反正每段关系都是孤独
眼看感情变成一个包袱
都怪我太渴望得到你保护

Come on people, play a game with me.

Tell me what song is this and what are the missing words ?

Yes I am bored. I am damn bored. I have been drowning myself in the enchanting voice of Faye these days because the Mandarin Pop music scene currently is experiencing a talent drought. Therefore, I am just going back in time to find solace and comfort in the has beens to remind myself that things will be better.

2007-01-05T02:59:00.000+08:00

Will people ever be true to themselves ?

I believe that is a dilemma innate to us. Apparently, being true to oneself is as hard as moving mountains.

Let me illustrate an example. How many times have we contracted the syndrome of "sour grapes" ? That is precisely a method of self consolation and self delusion. It is difficult for someone to accept that cold harsh fact that is untoward to him. It is convenient to adopt the sour-grape approach because it is has a placebo effect. It makes him feel better.

That, in essence, why people refuse to be true to themsevles : because the truth hurts, no matter in what capacity. Only when the truth proves itself to be positive then will one individual subscribe bask itself in the full glory. Else, he will find all kinds of ways to self-console, self-delude.

A sad fact yet a common phenomenon.

2007-01-04T17:37:00.000+08:00

I feel like updating but I don't know what to write.

Some people use their blogs to bitch, whine or document their life happenings everyday. But I don't.

2007-01-02T00:59:00.000+08:00

Beyonce - Irreplaceable

to the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

VERSE 1:
mmmm..to the left
to the left
Everthing you own in the box to the left
In the closet, that's my stuff-
Yes, if i bought then please don't touch(dont touch)

And keep talkin that mess thats fine,
but could you walk and talk at the same time-
And, its my name thats on that jag. so go move
your bags let me call you a cab

Standin in the front yard tellin me how i'm such a [fool]
talkin bout, ill never ever find a man like you,
You got me twisted

CHORUS:
You must not know bout me
You must not know bout me
i could have another you in a minute,
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute, baby

You must not know bout me
You must not know bout me
i could have another you by tomorrow
so dont you ever for a second get to thinkin,
your irreplaceable

VERSE 2:
So go ahead and get gone, call up that chick,
and see if shes home
oops, i bet you thought, that i didnt know,
what did you think, i was puttin you out for...
because you was untrue, rollin her around in the
car that i bought you
baby drop them keys...hurry up before your taxi leaves

standin in the front yard tellin me how im such a [fool]
talkin bout, ill never ever find a man like you,
you got me twisted

CHORUS:
you must not know bout me
you must not know bout me
i could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute, baby

you must not know bout me
you must not know bout me
i could have another you by tomorrow
so dont you ever for a second get to thinkin,
your irreplaceable

VERSE 3:
so since im not your everything,
how bout i'll be nothing, nothing at all to you
baby i wont shed a tear for you (i wont shed a tear)
i wont lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)
cause the truth of the matter is
replacing you is so easy

to the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmmm...to the left
to the left ,everything you own in the box to the left

to the left
to the left

dont you ever for a second get to thinkin...
your irreplaceable

you must no know bout me
you must not know bout me
i could have another you in a minute matter fact,
hell be here in a minute, BABY!!!!

you must not know bout me
you must not know bout me
i could have another you by tomorrow
so dont you ever for a second get to
([Played with next verse] thinkin...Baby hey yea!!!)

you must not know bout me
you must not know bout me
i could have a nother you in a minute,
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute
you can pack all yo bags we finsihed,
Cause yo made your bed now lay in it
i could have another you by tomorrow
so dont you ever for a second get to thinkin

I read the recommendation from trevvy and boy, I am now officially hooked on
this song. I don't know whether is it good or bad when I say that this song connects
to me. Oh no, superficial, superficial.



your irreplaceable....

2007-01-01T15:44:00.000+08:00

2006, gone.

Enters 2007.

Frankly speaking it wasn't an amazing New Year to begin in. I was stucked in Orchard at the stroke of midnight, where without any rhyme or reason, Indians begin flooding and started spraying whatever that was on everyone on the street.

Me and my friends were scared stiff. They were rowdy, screaming and shouting as if they were after somebody's blood. I so wanted to kick in their balls when they sprayed their bottles at me. I was wearing a new shirt.

On a more important note, yes friends, I've decided to TRY for a change of course. I don't know where it will happen or not ( READ : TRY ) or whatever will happen in the future. It's not that I don't like computing, but maybe it's just I have neither the talent nor the capability to compete with those hardworking people, or those China Chinese or those Indians.

See where the future brings me :) Que Sera Sera!

Happy New Year People!

2006-12-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

I'm seriously quite surprised and amazed by myself. Given my limited attention span to everything, I have actually continuously blogged here for the last 2 years. See ! People and friends, I am COMMITTED.

The day retreats to a low tide
As the night drives away the light
A little star shining bright

I am loving the night recently. It's one of those times that I'm away from people and I can actually think properly. Considering the fact that I don't think alot, it's an achievement that my brain is actually functioning well at night.

It's just 2 weeks more before school fucking starts again. It's going to be a throwback to stress,deadlines,lectures and tutorials. Sad to say, I have 7 more semesters in NUS to go . After that , I am FREE . Although people say that working is better, but seriously, how many of them will be willing to go through another semester in school ?

These people better keep their mouths shut.

2006-12-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

Eragon wasn't so bad.

I thought it was good. Seriously, good. Although the screenplay was abit fast-paced, certain bits were unexplained and simply just breezed upon. But the whole feel of the movie was infact not bad.

I'd prefer this over Harry Potter and Lord of The Rings anytime.

Harry Potter is too child-like.

LoTR is too adult-like.

I'm 18. I should like what 18 year olds should like : Eragon.

And by the way, I love Eragon, no thou shall rob him away from me :)

2006-12-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

I finally finished crying. After so long.

I love just sitting in the dark listening to Class 95.

I love enjoying the silence of midnight.

I love looking into the night sky, wishing that a falling star would streak across the sky, and then I would cup my hands and wish for something.

I love the air at night, clean and cool.

2006-12-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

It's quite ironic.

The holidays are finally here after such a long wait yet after the holidays I blog alot less than when I was thrown into the chaotic hell of examinations. I guess blogging is not that high on my "To Do" list after all. *Guilty*

Anyway, I'm just rambling off because I don't know what to type here on my blog now that I'm here.

I've being up working hard trying to catch up with my old friends. All of whom have busy with their studies and work.

I hate the fact that time is so limited.

God, give me some more time.

2006-12-03T20:49:00.000+08:00

im in pain.

Xu Lao Shi !

2006-12-01T17:53:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone ! I am Xu Lao Shi.

Now I'm going to teach everyone jappy cutesy look .

No. 1 : Innocence

No. 2 : Cute

No.3 : Lively

No. 4: Naive

---

Thanks all friends who have been so concerned about my well-being . I'm fine! Really ! Hehe, I dedicated a song to you all 31/11/2006 at around eight plus on Class 95! Hope you all heard it ! Love you all!

Coco Lee - Before I Fall in Love

2006-12-01T09:24:00.000+08:00

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a chance
Please give me a reason to believe
Say, you're the one
That you'll always be

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say

2006-11-28T03:40:00.000+08:00

Is it even fair for you to break up with me ? It's only a short time, you should have given it more time . You told me a whole range of issues saying why it's you and it's not me, why you want to break up. But ya, it's you, you just don't love me enough to face all the fears that you are facing in your heart. If it is that, then no amout of trying will ever help, but I'll say, good luck to your coming exams and future endeavours for even though I'm not with you, I still hope for you to be well.

I hope that I can be that "OK" after all these. I'm just feeling disappointed more than sadness now. The disappointment that you don't have the courage to even try before giving up. I thought you are a fighter ? Why did you give up so fast this time ?

Since it has come to this, then so be it. I don't have anything more to say. I want to be selfish and withdraw totally from our friends, but it's fucked up beause I can't. I still have a responsibility to our people and friends.

2006-11-27T23:28:00.000+08:00

don't console me .

im not sad.

s stands for spectacular.

not single.

2006-11-27T21:11:00.000+08:00

never mind.

i already know what you wanna say.

don't worry i'll be ok.

i'm strong even though i will be alone.

2006-11-24T02:08:00.000+08:00

i dunno what to blog about seriously.

exams are in 2 days time.

cultural studies, then maths, then java, then business technical communication, lastly, computing and society.

i want it all to end.

Screw you, Madonna

2006-11-22T17:50:00.000+08:00

Like a virgin.

No, I am a virgin.

So does people value virginity nowadays ?

I guess statistics speaks for itself when the number of AIDS paitients continue to take flight to Pluto. So why do people let other people snatch away such a precious ethereality so easily ?

Easy.

Teen culture.
Mass media.
The connotations of virginity.

All these have set the stage for a loose world of fuckers and sluts.

But I'm proud to say, I'm not like a virgin. I AM A VIRGIN amongst the wanton sex maniac of the homo world.

HELP!

2006-11-22T02:34:00.000+08:00

I don't understand Differential Equations.

I don't understand Surface/Line Integrals.

Die.

You ? Correct you.

2006-11-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

I got a pair of Fish Leong's concert tickets . It's on this saturday at 4pm. Anyone wanna come ? Please sms or call me.
Thanks.

Man, can't live with, fullstop or comma ?

2006-11-21T14:18:00.000+08:00

I haven't witness such extreme display of ridiculity ever since I was conceived.

Tonight at MOS, 2 guys fighting over a girl . Sponsored by Singtel and other major branding companies.

Yay.

Girls, can't live with them FULLSTOP or COMMA ?

2006-11-20T14:48:00.000+08:00

I just talked with this senior of mine who had alot to tell. In the short 25 minute conversation that we had, he effectively floored all local Singaporean girls in everyway possible. ( Yes, he thought I was straight . I don't plan on keeping in contact with him so I just allowed him to rattle on without him knowing that all of his supposed "discoveries" are actually lost on me.)

In short, he told me to go for China girls rather than local girls which I casually nodded with a patronizing smile. This is because in his words :
i)they are less demanding
ii)they are more beautiful
iii)they are willing to go through thick and thin with you

I don't know what to think because to me girls are just great friends and sisters to hang out with. I don't ever think of them that way, as ugly slut who wants the 5Cs and are skilled in the disappearing act.

I guess all of these are probably true considering the economical climate of Singapore. NUS is already is already mirroring what truth lies beyond the school's doors. I think I just might not be prepared for what's to come.

In any case, girls defend for yourselves ?

asshole

2006-11-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

I do not owe anyone any living.

I gave you my laptop, and now I'm giving you my desktop. However, that does not make me liable the sordid destruction of laptop. Please fucking stop treating me as your IT slave. I maybe able to help you and I would, if I had time, BUT I am having my exams soon, while you, a primary six fucker who finished your PSLE, wants me to troubleshoot MY laptop for YOUR leisure.

_|_ . I don't owe you a living, in fact, it is you who owes me my laptop.

REMEMBER THAT.

Handsome Men = Fast Swimming Sperm.

2006-11-18T01:39:00.000+08:00

14:18 29 May 2003
NewScientist.com news service
Shaoni Bhattacharya

Handsome men have the best sperm, a new study reveals. The researchers showed that men with the healthiest, fastest sperm were rated as the most facially attractive by women.

The characteristics of a person's face have long been regarded as an indicator of health. But this is the first direct evidence to suggest a man's reproductive quality correlates with his facial characteristics, say the authors.

Maria Sancho-Navarro, a team member at the University of Valencia, Spain, said that symmetrical faces were rated as more attractive by the women. And other studies have shown that people with more symmetrical features are less likely to suffer ill health.

The researcher team examined 66 male students from Valencia. They showed frontal and side photos of the men's faces to 66 women, who rated their attractiveness. The men's semen quality was measured according to World Health Organization guidelines.

Motility and morphology

In the second part of the study, 12 men from the good, normal and bad semen groups were selected and their photos rated by two independent sets of women.

The women's perception of a man's good looks corresponded to better sperm motility and morphology in both groups. However, there was no relationship between attractiveness and sperm concentration.

Although other factors like social and economic status influence women's final choice of a partner, say the researchers, they do seek attractive partners who are healthy and able to father children.

"Our study has shown that women are able to recognise reproductively fit males on the basis of their facial appearance alone," they conclude.

A separate study by UK researchers has revealed that women with the most alluring voices have the most attractive faces. Sarah Collins and Caroline Missing, at the University of Nottingham, played recordings of 30 young women to men who later saw their photos. The men judged women with attractive voices as the best looking, reveals the study published in the latest Animal Behaviour.

Journal reference: Evolution and Human Behavior (vol 24, p 199)

--------------------------

This kind of report only generates one kind of reaction from me : WTF.

We really don't need anymore reports to justify the shallow cultured valued by this skin-deep society. As of now, handsome men gets the best boyfriends, handsome men gets the richest sugar daddies and now, handsome men has the fastest swimming sperm ? I know it doesn't concern me because I'm definitely not allowing my dick to rain near any drainage. Somehow, this report seems to be giving a scientific right to the existence of handsome people, which is downright disgusting.

I'm using your socket. Come arrest me.

2006-11-18T01:21:00.000+08:00

woah.

The Internet at MacDonald's has suddenly woken up. That's why I'm blogging here, 1:15 am.

Projects are finally OVER. I repeat : O-V-E-R.

But, the hurdles ahead seem higher than ever. Why the hell did I go university to subject myself to this inhumane torture. Shitfucks.

Life seems quite stale at the moment, with exams coming in less than 10 days.

Jean Grey is going to punish all DICTATORS!

2006-11-16T10:05:00.000+08:00

5% to 7%.

Our GST is going to increase yet again.

And the reason that the government has stated for this move is to generate more revenue so that they can help us, to bring more welfare to the state's "more-less-off" people. Therefore, it has now become a case of us helping the government to help us.

Ridiculous.

I'd really like to see where the money goes. Would there be an increase in welfare ? Or would it just be a facade for them to increase their own pockets ? The last GST increase yielded them a revenue of *SHOCKS* $3.5billion. Eh, frankly, I ain't seeing nothing being done.

So now, let us fold our arms akimbo, sit and wait for the apple to drop.

Step up to go down.

2006-11-11T00:13:00.000+08:00

I just caught the long awaited teen flick, set in America High school where a boy dances, as usual, with a girl. Well, he was hot. The girl, too.

But, before you think of trying to satisfy your eye-candy desires, hear me out.

This movie is a cultural amalgation and kitsche. It uses too much repetitive themes and the same screen play again and again. Maybe the director was trying too hard to drive home some ideas but man, it was damn boring. And yes, I know, hip-hop sells, r&b sells. Generally, as what has been factualised and made the ultimate truth, black culture just is the most in thing ever. This is just what the movie is trying to portray.

The opening scene, we hear a black beat, a sound so familiar because we are hearing all the same shit on the radio everyday on every track. Hell, nowadays, Nelly Furtado sounds like Justin Timberlake sounds like Nelly Furtado, because of Timbaland. Crap. However, instead of just seeing the usual hip hop honcho leading a group of blacks, we see also ballet. It was a stark contrast between mass consumerism and self-expression, mass consumerism and high art, the ghetto and the rich. The theme strikes through the movie with utmost conviction, almost trying to tell me that "Black culture is the coolest shit."

I'm lazy to write. But in short, this movie perpetuates the myth of black and whites. Watch, for the dance and dudes.

2006-11-10T00:18:00.000+08:00

I know I'm going to sound absolutely nuts. Especially to the guys, who are reading this blog ( I know there are . Don't lie.), but I miss my army days. So much so that, I feel like crying.

My army days weren't much. 7 days a week, running every alternate days, routine work every now and then but slack every day generally. I miss waking up to the fresh, thick smell of dew and seeing the sun rise curtained by a thin veil of mist. My camp was like a daughter to Mother Nature. Then, every evening, I could see the sun-setting in its full, phoenix glory, slowly crawling down to the horizon. Astounding.

Better yet, 700 dollars a month for that. I hope life's always that good.

random ramblings in a lt

2006-11-08T10:28:00.000+08:00

must start studying.

must must start studying.

2006-11-06T00:35:00.000+08:00

Im here...
If you come here...

You'll find me...

I promise...

Shop me. Fuck me.

2006-11-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

I want bags ! I want bags !

I saw these 2 bags from Guess the other day.

They are made in heaven, just for me. I'll shoot the person in the balls, whoever thinks otherwise.

In the mean time, let me ravish myself in moans of pleasure just thinking about the 2 bags...

ohhh...ahhh...uhhh....

Madness, madness, madness.

2006-11-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

I always thought that crazy muggers were a product of students' fertile imagination to console them of their poor results. But today, I was proved wrong. TOO WRONG.

I took NEL to Harbourfront in order to transit to 10 to NUS. Nothing wrong, right ? Wrong. The minute I entered the carriage, I was greeted with a scene so perfectly unified that Hitler would love. All people with a book in their ends, turning the pages furiously. As I scanned through the books, they were PS1101, FR1101 and such.

"All NUS students... Oh My God."

I thought that when I left the particular carriage, I won't feel so stressed and guilty about not studying much. Boy, I was wrong. On 10, it was the same sight all over again. NUS students mugging away, trying to plough their way through their lecture notes in order to find gold, hopefully, their As.

Eew.
-------------------------------------------------

I'm now upgraded to orange belt in Karate!! Yay. But actually I don't feel so much of an excitement. It's just a key to more stances.

-------------------------------------------------

Listen to Paris Hilton's Nothing in this World, she's now a pedophilia!

2006-10-31T22:56:00.000+08:00

梁静茹 - 亲亲

那一年顶楼加盖的阁楼
什么人忘了锁
是谁找不到未满十八岁的我
你是一滴滴隐形的眼泪
风一吹就乾了
只能这样了是吗
同时甜蜜与心碎
是你的幽默还是温柔
是瞬间烟火还是不甘寂寞
第一次你抱紧我
轻轻的亲亲
紧紧闭著眼睛
是你不是你说不定
还不一定
梦一样轻的亲亲
不敢用力呼吸
不敢太贪心太相信我的幸运
百分之百是你

思念被时光悄悄的摇落
酸酸的咬了一口
青春的苹果香香的催眠了我
是你脸粉红了我的耳后
烫伤了我额头
现在想起来会痛
同时甜蜜与心碎
是你的幽默还是温柔
是瞬间烟火还是不甘寂寞
第一次你抱紧我
轻轻的亲亲
紧紧闭著眼睛
是你不是你说不定
还不一定
梦一样轻的亲亲
不敢用力呼吸
不敢太贪心太相信我的幸运
百分之百是你
---------------------------

Believe in love, because only believing in it, will it come true :)

AAB - Attitude, Arrogant Bitch

2006-10-29T20:07:00.000+08:00

What happens below is purely fictional. Any similarities would be attributed to sheer coincidence. :)

*phone rings*

I pressed Accept and the speaker to my ear, as I was doing up the Halloween Party decoration for the imminent party in like 30 minutes.

It was John, my Kricket president.

"Hey Mao ! How do I get to the place ? "

Shit. Not when I'm on a table , unbalanced and trying to place red siphon papers on the ceiling.
And so, I blabbered to him the directions hurriedly, hopefully, even though he is foreigner, he would be able to process what I gatled gun in 15 seconds. Apparently not.

"Aiyo, I don't know what are you talking about la ! Wait, I pass to my friend here ?"

?

"Hello, so where is that fucking place ?"

Puzzled. I tried to ascertain this rude stranger's identity.

"Erm, who are you ?"

"Why the fuck do you care who am I ? Just fucking give me the directions ! "

"GREAT ATTITUDE."

And I proceeded to give her the directions, only to be greeted by her appreciation,namely :

"Give directions then fucking give la, why the fuck do you care about my identity ?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Seriously. This bitch needs to get her mouth dettoled. If I had a chance, I'd stretch her mouth to the maximum, put it to the guillotine then WHAM! Drop the knife down with utmost hatred, so much so that her lips get cleanly swiped off.

As if this will cease my hatred for the bitch from hell.

Of course, it won't be the end.

Tie her hands and legs roller coasters, those which leave the station one by one. One limb for each roller coaster. Let them go. Let it rip. Blood gushes with fury. High pitched screams with immeasurable pain. YUMMY.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course. I don't mean it :) She will till a hundred year old and then bear a dozen kids :)

UBO - Unidentified Blogging Object

2006-10-27T09:50:00.000+08:00

I seem to be blogging more these days. Checking back at the frequency of posts, I was quite shocked that I am blogging once every several days. Eew. I am turning into one of those. *slaps myself* How can I ever ever ever turn into one of those whom spend half of their lives talking to their computer ? Shit.

Heck, I just feel like writing these few days. I think. Or maybe I just have to write to fill up my half-empty emotions.

And ya, woohooo!

Singapore Press Freedom ranks 146th in Press Freedom Ranking.

Good shit!

Boring days.

2006-10-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've got my ass moving. At least things are starting to move abit :P Hopefully, it will move itself to the deadline safely.

School's as usual. Unusually, I've being slacking. Lol. Not that I've being putting in a hellottsa hardwork the past months, but these few weeks, it seemed alot of slacker. I wonder why. Maybe I'm starting to realise that sweating over certain stuffs is simply just plain STUPID. I mean academically, please do not take it another way.

I'm so sorry that my blog has degraded into those "WHAT I'M FEELING EMO-BITCH" kinda thing, but I'm too lazy to quote my bimbotic adventures in school. Trust me. ALOT. This,acting as my emotional output is too apt. So I shall just keep it at that.

PS : Dear, if you're reading this, don't be so stressed can. Everyday see you so stress I also sian!

studies? i wanna shake you off!

2006-10-21T17:31:00.000+08:00

I just don't have the mood to study these days. I regard that as a withdrawal syndrome of the impending doom of examinations that coming in less than 4 weeks. Tutorials not done, projects not completed, reports not writeen. But I guess that's part of being a NUS students : to have insurmountable tasks thrust to you in such force that you have no choice but to back off .

I blame myself for this. I blame my 2 year of NS for this , because NS has blunted my mind. I blame my character of being a lazy arse. I blame this, I blame that. At the end of the day, I'm the only who's going to be blaming myself if I get dropped out of NUS. Fucked.

Carrie Underwood - Inside your heaven

I'm been down
But now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
Guess it's right
It's so amazing
Everytime I see you , I'm alive
You're all I've got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows you away
I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every little air that you breathe in, a soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

Sometimes, I hope that I can be inside your heaven, but I believe it takes time... I put time in faith and hopefully the equation comes out right.

Bring It On - All Or Nothing.

2006-10-11T02:38:00.000+08:00

Oh.My.Finger-lickin God!

I didn't know that Bring It On had a third instalment, All or Nothing ! And you know what ? Beyonce's sister, Solange Knowles-Smith is inside!

I just finished watching it. I must say that the cheerobics inside ain't as stunning as those in the first one, but it was better than the 2nd one anyway.

Rating ? 3.5/5.

It's really watchable. No lies!

mid terms over !

2006-10-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

Yay. The dread MA1505 piece of crap is over over and over!! yay ! even though I'm going to get like 0 for it. lol.

I'm sleeping late tonight. Simply because I have to read over my Java programming,recently don't know what's going on because time's a bitch. She keeps running, I keep chasing. Fuck her.

Maybe thinking about switching to e-commerce as a major for my degree. I'm really to lazy to move my brain to think like a freako mathematician. Business modules sound real fun anyway.

Term Break...

2006-09-28T23:43:00.000+08:00

Truth be told, I have no motivation to blog these days because E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y is T-I-R-I-N-G. Having so much things to juggle, it's so challenging that I simply feel like puking.

How's everybody ?

Fine I hope ? It's quite sad that I have to keep my friends updated through my blog, even if I do update it semi-frequently. Time is against me. Yucks, I'm complaining. Must stop! I don't want to be another whiny bitch who keeps complaining that I have no time no time NO TIME! I need to do something.

Seriously, these girls. 12 years old. How I wish my parents sent me to vocal schools when I was 12. I would have whooped JJ Lin's ass. 100 times over.

Is it right ?

2006-09-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

I know I have talked and rant about this on my blog so much times until all of my dear fans are cringing in boredom. But as I meet more people in my daily life, the more vunerable I feel human emotions are. Throughout my life, I have held on to the belief that, even though pain is unbearable and unavoidable, I will still love, in all sense of the word. Of course, there are troughs in my life that I have question my own naivety, but I have crawled up with stronger, renewed faith. I still believe that, if I treat a person well, it will be reciprocated.

It sounds stupid. I conceieve. It sounds naive. I conceieve too. But its the way I perceive the world to be. You can come lie, steal, cheat and kill me for what you may, but I won't hate you. ( Ok, I may, for a few days, then I will revert back to being an innocent bitch again .)

I just can't change. No matter how pple tell me, I will show you this :)

Pain is a way of life. DEAL WITH IT. If you don't want to feel it, you won't feel happiness.

So go now, poke all your flowery asses with a pen and feel pain.

lethargy everyday

2006-09-20T10:00:00.000+08:00

I thought that I had accustomed and gotten used to varsity life but little boys and girls, I was wrong. It's not the stress talking, I assure you. It's simply a mixture of everything that's happening everyday. I'm being conquered by lethary everyday. The start of the term was enjoyable to me, but as the term moves on, locking its chain on my ankle, I'm starting to feel all the weight now. It's the first time I couldn't wake up for lecture this morning. And I think it won't be the last to happen.

The only respite that I get these days is him, I feel so glad that he is here.

2006-09-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

some mother fuckers should just keep their mouth shut.

shut . i mean REALLY SHUT.

Trust me on that.

2006-09-10T21:52:00.000+08:00

I just came back from the most fabulous dinner ever with my parents! They were discussing Christianity like it’s a subject meant to be studied in NUS., maybe a module called CT1001. From Genesis to Jehovah , they just rattled on none-stop. Me and my sister, sullenly looking down into our rice bowl, giving each other stares that spelled “WTF”. I couldn’t blame her . Ever since my parents got cheated into joining the money HARVESTING organization, whole day long they could talk about was our dear lord Jesus Christ in heaven. And to top it all off, they’re flying all over the world to listen to some queer sermons. Or may I should be happy that they’re finally getting a life of their own instead of meddling into me and sister’s ?

But I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic at my ex-havoc parents who watched porn in the living room, who had sex not locking the room, who flipped open the newspapers ( and they read the most tablodic newspaper ever : LIAN HE WAN BAO ) and spewed vulgar like some ah beng on ecstacy, who had all to do except to read the Bible all day long. I should show them the video of me dirtifying the Bible in my army bunk.

Let them learn : Gay is THE WAY.

short message to my fans

2006-09-08T01:46:00.000+08:00

Not feeling much lately. Been just rushing day by day.

Everyday's passing by quite fast.

Flying flying flying~~

PS : To dear : you rock!!!!!!!!

2006-09-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

U2 - With or without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And Im waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, shes got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I cant live
With or without you
With or without you

--------------------------------------\
One of the straight songs I listen to . Amazing lyrics. Very true to heart.

Anyway, my mood is in a rainy day of grey. Foul.

NUS lecturers are lazy. Everyone floods tutorial at the end of the week. Can't you all stagger them ?! We have lives you know!

Friends....

2006-08-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

I WAS at the airport, sending off a close friend who was leaving for a long posting abroad.

We had been friends since school and had maintained this close friendship ever since.

We had been there for each other through tough times �relationships gone bad, illness, deaths in the family, periods of unemployment.

We shared good times, too � graduation, weddings, children, new jobs and just general happy times.

�How many friends do you have?� he asked me suddenly.

�Oh I don�t know ? we know a lot of people,� I replied.

We had always been popular and had never found it difficult to make new friends.

�No, I don�t mean friends in the casual sense, I mean true friends,� he persisted.

Most of those we call �friends� are merely acquaintances, he explained, people whom we work with, people that we socialise with, not so much by choice but because of circumstance.

When we were in school, there were eight classes with about 40 pupils in each.

We used to see these 320 people every day for five years. We played together, we studied together, and we antagonised teachers together.

These were the people that we grew up with and who supposedly shaped our character.

�So where are all your schoolmates now?� he challenged me.

I realised that I didn't know where most of these 320 people were, and I had no idea even where to begin to look for them.

After my friend's flight had departed, I kept thinking about where all my school friends had disappeared to.

I met up with some other schoolmates later and posed the same question to them.

�Where have all our friends gone? What happened to Lim? Do you know where Rama ended up? What about Din?�

Although all of us remembered everybody we went to school with, no one knew where the majority had ended up.

And, for those of us who knew where Sam was, and how many kids he had, no one really kept in touch with him. Even more frightening was that no one seemed to care.

And that, I suppose, was the crux of the matter. We had all just grown apart.

So, my friend was right. These weren�t really friendships in the true sense. These were not people that I could go running to in the event I needed help. These were not people that I could trust my life with. They were people that I would fondly recall old stories with, but they were not true friends.

I will never forget the words of my friend that night at the airport.

�Everyone is only looking out for himself ... you are lucky if you can name one true friend � no matter where he or she may be. You are considered blessed if you can count your true friends on every finger of one hand.�

To be blessed, I would have to be able to count five true friends. I still consider myself blessed that I can count ? three.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many can you count ?

Sometimes, I think I treat people truely too much. Maybe I should put myself at first place for the first time.. ?

real run + rag day!

2006-08-20T10:46:00.000+08:00

just ran 10 km at sentosa with irritable terrain, which is bumpy road + sandy beaches + forest trail.

not really tiring. just plain IRRITATING. fucking bitches with so small boopies blocking my way on the sandy beaches. they should just lay down and die.

now heading on to rag dance at Plaza Singapore! Go SoC!

varsity.

2006-08-18T08:59:00.000+08:00

1st week of school.

hmmm. how would i describle it ? a blurring week of endless walking with friends to lecture groups and seeing how foreigners work their asses off the tutorials and mine's just lying in my file waiting eagerly for me to discover its presence. i never understand why these people are so damn hardworking. now, im just feeling nothing but fear.

picture bell curve...

die die die !

caffeinated stupidity

2006-08-09T07:54:00.000+08:00

somehow, i had the impression that i was tolerant to the sick effects of caffeine, so i had a cup of tea and coffee yesterday night.

it drove me wild.

i god-damn-mutha-fucker couldn't sleep. and sleep is the only rest i get these days.

i want sleep ! i want sleep! i want sleep!

but three days more, and everything will be over! then i can sleep!

i have a dog...

2006-08-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

"Mom, I want a dog! I want a dog! It's so cute! I can put it in my Agnes B bag! It's so cute!"

ooh ooh ohh!

finally....

2006-08-06T01:34:00.000+08:00

and so, i have finally moved my flowery ass out of my house and into the esteemed Prince George Park...

And tonight is the first night i'm staying over at my new room. Even though it is small, not very cool, not very new, im still gonna make it through the rain and love it. But really, im actually loving the feeling of masturbating without worrying my parents barging in ( not that they care anyway ).

but anyhow, feel like sleeping. ciao.

he said he wanted an off-shoulder

2006-08-04T08:32:00.000+08:00

i... have a friend, whom i cannot believe.

of the whole of time he lived

he said he wanted an off shoulder

but he said he wasn't my "brother"

he wants a green ugly off-shoulder.

he wants a green ugly off-shoulder.

i won't know how many times must i re-iterate to exhibit my shock.

he wants a green ugly off-shoulder.

he wants THIS green ugly off-shoulder.

2006-07-29T23:48:00.000+08:00

I hear this song over on the radio while jogging at ECP today.

你快乐吗

歌手：蔡依林 专辑：电音舞道馆

作词:胡如虹作曲:涂惠元编曲:陈敬诗

谁都没权利要求你离开他
即使他总让你伤心牵挂
我只能在你身边听你说说话
听你说着他泪如雨下
跟自己挣扎

其实很多人
都爱得很傻
天真的守着相爱承诺的话
不问自己快乐吗
只是一味爱他
直到黯然心碎
才知心乱如麻

我想这就是所谓爱的代价
没有人多潇洒
爱好像燃烧的火花
会随时间升华
我想这就是所谓爱的代价
你不必逼自己离开他
别去管别人怎么看你
说你是傻瓜
问问你自己
你快乐吗

It's a nice song. I just wanna say that.

Anyway, University life is starting soon. I don't know how prepared am I, neither do I know how am I going to cope. I'm just going go in with my hands over my eyes, hopefully when I draw my hands away, I'm going to see a beautiful life built for me. I WISHED.

I'm just so sorry that I'm going to have to time to accompany all my dear friends. But you all can call me anytime ok ? Miss Ma will entertain you till your cheebye drips blood.

im so sorry friends

2006-07-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

this post was supposed to be up yesterday but due to unspoken reasons, it was deleted.

but im sorry friends these days that im so damn busy !

im a star!

love me becos there's no other star shining in ur life!

wahahahahhaha!

thank you for the music

2006-07-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

Before I write anything, let me first dedicate a very warm thank you to all my friends who celebrated my 18th birthday ! And let me reiterate again the fact that it's not everyday that a girl like me turns 18 and become a full fledge chee bye for the whole to see ! I know you all love me! And I love you all too !

*kisses and hugs*

One of my friends ( Edwin ) recently told me that my blog is practically useless. In his words, " You know your blog hor, even after reading, I also don't know what the fuck is going on with your life !"
True enough. But I'm not going to change anything because if I'm going to write about all the bitching shit that's going in my life everyday, I'm going to be hell of a busy person and as if I have enough time for that right now.

Observe the expression on my face. I'm that busy.

Everyday is school day even though school hasn't started yet. Let me just slightly review the next few activities that are going to happen in my life for the next few months ( Edwin, this is for you. )

1) Rag Day for SoC 12\8
2)Singing for Dean's High Tea at Conrad 19\8
3) Real Run 20\8
4) AHM 27\8
5) Drumming performance for Student Care Services 5\9

Just tell me why why why.

l.o.v.e

2006-07-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

Somehow I find that I don't love my friends enough.

So here's for you, in chronological order :

Secondary School Friends :

Edwin, Christine, Peiyun, Peishi, Suzhen, Chong Han, See Leng, Swee Peng, Lynn

Junior College Friends :

Serena, Tracia, Jeslyn, Yushan, Shang May

Army Friends :

Winston, Kah Ming, Xiao Chuan, Whye Tuck (give it to you la)

Varsity ( Though I just know you all, I love you all too ! ) :
Hendra, Jingyee, Elaine, Shih Min, Shao Chong, Timothy, Shaun, Erik , Chun Kit, Farouk, Chunpong, Sneha, Huimin

Singing Friends :
Xiuxing, Kenix, Jane !

I love you all !

PS : Girls, we'll have sex someday ya ? But not today :)

im inconsistent.

2006-07-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

I am an inconsistent blogger.

Repeat after me, with utmost thrust and conviction :

I AM AN INCONSISTENT BLOGGER!

I'm so sorry that i didn't bother to keep the blog so alive everyday because I am simply so busy with stuffs everyday that sometimes I can't even find time to poop. Also, with the World Cup hogging the bitchy limelight, I guess blogging would be just another waste of time, cause no one would bother to read. And now that that distraction's gone for another 4 years, guys its time to tune in back here again!

I now recommend to you one of the most tiring dances that I have ever learnt :

Everyone, learn it, because one day you're all gonna be my backup dancers.

I'm not joking.

2006-06-18T09:47:00.000+08:00

still alive. not kicking though .

i'm going to turn this post into one of those stupid post that you all have been seeing on the stupid blogs.

been out alot with friends.

probably because i want to escape from memories, from the haunting thoughts that is trapping me in a cage so tight that its suffocating me...

have i made the wrong choice ? i don't know but i'm dragging my feet along with the chains of burden locked on my ankles.

will someone unshackle me ?

lac king in oxygen...

2006-06-11T20:43:00.000+08:00

my friend told me my action was stupid and that i was now living without oxygen.

true.

and that i was actually thinking of him each and every day , experiencing the urge to call him and tell him to forget that night and go back to where things were.

i want to...

i really really just want to....

2006-05-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to appreciate the subtle beauty of staying at home and doing nothing but singing all day long. And im feeling good when my said she could hear me all the way at the first floor.

"Not bad..."

I thought.

Is that abit of Narcissis at work ? I think so.

I've finally found some time off my work schedule to type something for you all life-less bores out there who keep reading my blog hopefully to find something interesting to jazz up your life. But hey, I'm working now. Where got time to bitch! Seriously, the whole 9-5 thing is sucking the life out of everyone and im saying everyone, including Britney Spears, Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera and Xiao S .

Da Vinci Code, skcus ?

2006-05-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

2.5 hours, what can I do with it ?

Gym ? Swim ? Read ? Watch another movie not named Da Vinci Code ? Or all of those ?

All of those maybe. But please, I repeat myself very renewed strength and vigour, DO NOT WATCH Da Vinci Code. I thought the book was obscenely promiscuos with its contorting of facts but the movie just tops it even more with a fresh idea of "bore-me-to-death".

I wonder why. The quizes and puzzles Fibonacci or something seemed much interesting and novel, but when moved to the big screen... It seemed inadequate, rushed and unexplained. The most irritating kinda analogy was when Robert Langdon said, "You might as well give me an UFO from Area 51" as a parallel when our dear Sophie who looks like Karen, told him to solve the puzzle. My god, couldn't you find a better comparison ? I almost died.

Even worst was when the poseur-fako French accent started to audify itself in the manifest of Sophie.

"You might as well be the knight on a GWAIL quest."

Anymore more questions not to watch the show ?

email me.

After a long hiatus...

2006-05-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

Or maybe not that long after all.

My life everyday now is like this ->

Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep.

Now, retribution has come and bite me in the arse like a ferocious viper, swift and painful.

I'm become one of those that I detest, those who lead a machine-routine-type of life who experiences no emotions other than , "Got Money" and "No Money". And yet, here I am, everyday, clothed in mere T-shirts and jeans, amongst eyes and faces on the office streets of Raffles Place, working my butt off just to earn that somewhat meager pay of $6/hr.

God. If you have eyes, please extract me out of my plight!

I am a singer. A gay. A dancer. A transvestite. A car. A dog. A bitch.

But NO NO NO NO NO NO, NOT AN OFFICE WORKER who :

a) Zaps zillions of title deeds everyday.
b) Types trillions of title deeds everyday.
c)File fuckilions of title deeds everyday.

lazy.

2006-05-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

gomen nasai miina-san.

watashi too lazy to blog-desu.

work-to sux des-yo.

demo, got picture to entertain you all ne ?

love me hor ?

sarang hae-yo ?

da chang jin is really getting on my last nerves. even barbie dolls are draped in korean curtains.

i think the picture can speak for itself. so much for "Speak Good English" movement. PAP, its futile.

2006-04-22T02:37:00.000+08:00

说不要是假的
渴望倒也没错

没有选择也不是我选的
感情是没有选择的

因为选择是逻辑
感情是感情
感受的情感
如果选择了，还能算感情吗？

我不要选，也不能选。
因为。。。
我忠于我自己的感觉。

Sense ?

2006-04-19T09:50:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but I have done a poisson distribution, n distribution, y distribution, of people visiting other blogs more often than mine. And these "people" , and I use this term loosely because they are used to refer to humans, which these "people" obviously aren't. Worst still, they are my friends! They visit other blogs more than mine ! WHY WHY WHY WHY! sdfdsfsdfsdfssdfsdf

dsfdfdssdfsdfsdfsfsdf

How can you "people" betray me ?! And go to disgusting sites such as :

www.bryanboy.com

I mean, yes, he's like the ten years after version of me. But hey, trust me, this girl here is going to be more fuckinfantabulous than this skinny brown bitch from hell is. So what if he owns so many LVPradaChanelLalucci bags ?!

I have my LV damier and Agnes B card holder :)

Oh my god! Its in the genes!

2006-04-15T21:58:00.000+08:00

Everyone, guess who is this :

Yes, she is our resident belting bitch, Christina Aguilera. Seriously, I didn't know she was this bitchy even when she was like what 14 ? No wonder she showed her crotch to the world. Kudos to her.

i wish you'd...

2006-04-11T20:45:00.000+08:00

silence engulfs both ends
staring into the darkened horizon
minds hurling, twirling
trying to make sense
i just can't get it out of my system

hello ?
you there ?

it seems so simple.
yet i fumbled.

i wish you would tell me.
i wish i could let free.

tell me...
your problems.
your thoughts.
your ideas.
your feelings.

tell you...
my problems.
my thought.
my ideas.
my feelings.

----------------------------------------------------------------

just look at this cute me :

new link new friend.

2006-04-11T16:05:00.000+08:00

new link on the right.

read the post on 09/04. It rox.

old hag.

2006-04-07T18:09:00.000+08:00

i'm so angry that i'm actually typing this from Topman in Wisma Atria.

I cannot stand the fact that you actually think that I'm quiet. You fucking old hag from SPH. You can say I'm sissy. You can say that I'm ugly. You can even say that I'm incompetent for the job. But, no, you just wanna impinge that dirty sin on me, that I'm a quiet boy waiting to be butchered.

No sir. Not me. You better be employing a talking machine if you didn't employ me, I'm telling you. Because one fine day, I'm going to call your department and I'm going to expect whoever the bitch is to talk to me 24/7 and I'm going to expect her to be coherent, paitient and so damn talkative. If not, you're so going to get from me.

Fuckers. Me quiet ? Wash your mouth with piss from a dog, thank you. And then you can go talk to Christine Lim Soo Ying.

Arigato Gozaimas.

Of marche, Madonna and Maoliang

2006-03-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

Life is boring. That's why four ex-JC sluts chose to meet up to spice up their life at Marche. As a result, Marche, for 1 1/2 hours, was immensely entertained by these four sluts. A slut teacher, a tutor, a slut teacher and a part-time slut tutor. Guess who fits what.

I'll just let the pictures slut it up.

First, the sluts...

Love Me.

Don't Love Her.

You can love her, but she doesn't love you.

Oh,this one ah ? Love me still better.

I found that taking pictures without any slut face is boring.

Look at this.

SO SIAN!

But this!

Gotta Love it!

Then again, at this.

Kill me please.

Revive me now.

Hate that bitch, we were suppose to do the Yang Chen Ling Act Cute No.1!

Boring shot 3.

White faced bitch.

Interest shot 3.

Lick my Cb.

庆祝

2006-03-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

每个梦都得到祝福每颗泪都变成珍珠
每盏灯都像许愿的蜡烛每一天都值得庆祝

当年的你什么都怕怎么会变成了警察
你不是说永远不嫁暂时生了个胖娃娃
我们都在温柔的长大让简单都变的复杂
当初最简单的梦就别忘啦!!喔~鸣~喔~~

每个梦都得到祝福每颗泪都变成珍珠
每盏灯都像许愿的蜡烛每一天都值得庆祝

没有一点少数尴尬计较着彼此的变化
心烦了才是苦哈哈这一刻烦恼谁理他

我们还在慢慢的长大迟早会看见白头发
女生眼神的单纯不会氧化-----喔~鸣~喔

每个梦都得到祝福每颗泪都变成珍珠
每盏灯都像许愿的蜡烛每一天都值得庆祝

看不到成熟的辛苦听不见世界的忙碌
梦穿着无忧无虑的制服在心里长着一颗树

每个梦都得到祝福每颗泪都变成珍珠
每盏灯都像许愿的蜡烛每一天都值得庆祝
----------------------------------------

I may be gay. I may not like to fuck Yang Cheng Ling.

But I do like to act cute. And I like this song.

Upbeat.Interesting lyrics.Very encouraging yet touching on the other side. Listen. And get motivated to celebrate every moment of life you have.

the importance of retail therapy.

2006-03-28T00:30:00.000+08:00

i don't endorse in a hedonistic and materialistic life.

but i do firmly believe in the usefulness and the effectiveness of retail therapy.

the feeling of holding a brand new item in your hands is heavenly. although when you hand over the cash, you might feel a slight tug at your heart, but when you see the new shiny purchase, no matter a wallet, a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, especially after a whole afternoon's hardwork of shopping and its the one that you want.

AH!

divine.

people might say that you are a spendthrift, people might think that you are wasting money. but no, you are buying a feeling of satisfaction.and that piece of satisfaction can cure depression,menses cramps, fever, flu, aids and whatsoever illness that one is experiencing.

so, buy more people. buy this and buy that. spend spend spend for it can cure everything. it can make you a happier man/woman/trans/gay/lesbian!

when has love gone wrong ?

2006-03-27T22:03:00.000+08:00

Don't laugh at me. PS: Christine is going to hate me for this entry because this entry simply goes against everything that she stands for.

I was reading this book "爱，错在那里?" and it was then I realised that so many things in the whole world has gone wrong. Everything started on the right foot but ended up falling into the drain anyway. Politics.Economics.Religion.And the one most pertainly to our existence, love.

I haven't finished the book. But the main idea that I've gotten from it is that, love is always sacrificial, not selfish. The main motive for love is always, and I mean always, for the good of the other party. And everything begins with this tenet. But when all third party factors kick in, that is the time when faith and belief in this shakes.

Somehow, the author is trying to paint a very grand and beautiful picture of love that the masses would find it hard to swallow. I would really love to put a life-time subscription to this, but its impossible. Everyone is selfish, just a matter of how much. So when the author requests or rather, demands people in love to be so damn self-less, it becomes a drag, albeit and fairtytale-like one.

tracia's party.

2006-03-25T00:33:00.000+08:00

Saw some secondary school friends.
Some hated me, some loved me.
Whatever the case is, I showed them what I'm made of.
So, love me.

Of hair and stare.

2006-03-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

I have adopted a new hairstyle. See below :

This is what I call superbly cool. When I walk by in town, everyone's staring at me. I don't care whether it was a look of awe or a glare of disgust. I LOVE IT. And I love it even more that when they stare at me, I am dishing it back with ten times the power, my only stance, 仇恨之眼神.

Die you bitches who don't dare to innovate.
Die you bitches who think that my hair sucks, which on hindsight I don't even care.

when 3k versus 10k.

2006-03-21T16:22:00.000+08:00

I have recently read an article from a rather bimbotic magazine that my mother ritually buys every month, Bella. The fashion spread is fantastic, mainly from designer labels ala Louis Vuitton and Gucci, the sorts. But what caught my attention was this article that was probing into the possibility of a relationship of "unequals", where the female earns more (wayyyyyyyyy) than the male counterpart in the relationship. Come on, come on, stop the "tsk"-ing, I know im gay and it probably does not even concern me but hey, its love.

The article starts with a history of how the fairer sex has fought an uphill battle for equality and has now reaped some results. With no need for elaboration, now, women are given more chances for economic and educational development and not surprisingly, showing abilities even that overshadows men. And that idea is one that is dangerous to the archaic institution that man is the more powerful sex, which sad to say, is still prevalent in the supposed modern society.

I don't know whether it is because of chauvinism or any other crap reason but men generally cannot accept it when women are more able than them. Just look at Desperate Housewises, Lynette earns more than her hot husband and that has caused much trouble in the household. And personally, when I posed to questions to my male friends (straight), most of them expressed disdain over very notion of female superiority. And they conveniently hide it behide the facade of "i wanna earn more money but i want to provide for her"

Bullocks, I say.

2006-03-15T19:49:00.000+08:00

I have always believed in fairytales
Of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty
Of a knight on a white shining steed

But can we blame them ?
For the expectations we build from them
Of happily ever after ?

So who can we point ?

the comeback post #2!!

2006-03-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

some photos to let you all laugh your balls and breasts off :

Oh, I'm such a Princess. Prince, will you saddle me up and ride me ?

With regards with the last two photos, I only have this to say :

对不起，大家，当时是我年少无知不该这样出来吓人！

the comeback post...

2006-03-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

Under the severe behest from one of my fag hags, I've decided to revive that side of me that I've laid to bed long before. Because, sometimes, we need some bitchiness in our lives. Don't you ?

Some fun quotes :

After watching Nanny McPhee :

Me : So how was it ? (Asks eagerly)
Winston : 零分.

"My brother's going on a journey & I would like to wish him good luck~ 5 Birds."
"But thats only enough for 1 bird!"
"Uh, okay..."

So... let me give up a low down of what I think the current affairs of the state is :

Tammy ?
I applaud you for your courage to stand all and continue studying in NYP. But I think you should take it furthur. Be proud. Be proud that even though many others are doing the same thing as you, yours is widely viewed by so many millions other viewers. And boy, my friends are telling me that they totally don't mind fucking you everyday. Consolation ?

VJC suicide case ?
I don't know why you commited suicide. But fuck you. Scholar. And you can't think straight ? Be gay.

2006-03-02T00:27:00.000+08:00

People walking by at the bus stop...
Buses stopping.
People alighting.
People boarding.

I sat there alone.
Looking at my handphone, anticipating.
For what ?
I don't know.

It was then I realised...
I'm a fool.

And this fool will most probably continue his idiocy throughout this entire life.

Unrequited, but I loved before.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

maybe maybe

2006-02-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

In a comic I read, I came across this line which hit me.

"I did this willingly for him. Even if I die, I chose this path myself. I don't want his sympathy. I don't want him to pity me. I only want his truest feelings."

My love life can only be described as such. Everytime the one I fall for turns out to be straight. But I don't give up that piece of feeling because its wrong. Going against your heart is just plain ugly wrong. I know its painful, but it feels right. I feel that even though I am a very selfish being, at the very least, to this person, I am someone who knows how to live.

Truly.

隐形人

2006-02-02T02:34:00.000+08:00

无论你肯或不肯
我都选择等
等到你结束好久
探险的旅程
要是没有寂寞陪衬
没有途中的灰尘
你怎会向往家门
你越是想要诚恳
其实越残忍
伪装不了你对我
漠视的眼神
你不许我听信永恒
不许我迷信我们
不许我奋不顾身
多想化成隐形的人
掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温
好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界
留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

朋友都于心不忍
责备我愚蠢
但他们都回避我
执着的眼神
可知我对爱的虔诚
可知我迷信我们
可知我难得放任

多想化成隐形的人
掩饰我伤痕
给你我的体温
好帮你驱走寒冷
看不见也能感受心疼
我想化成隐形的人
隐藏我的泪在翻滚
我在你凌乱世界
留下的指纹
对你是没心跳的一个吻

I'm forever invisible in your eyes...

random thoughts 2

2006-02-01T05:52:00.000+08:00

Never mind that for 3 nights straight I have not been sleeping.

Never mind that my brain is thinking in loops now.

Never mind that I'm just typing this for the spur of the moment.

I just want to say to my friends :

I carry your hearts with me.

And I just want to say to that particular you :

I carry your heart with me, deeply and specially.

我恨我爱你

2006-02-01T02:05:00.000+08:00

面带微笑离开你怀里
我听天由命
最后一张王牌在手里
二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你
就放过自己
爱情已经过了甜蜜期
多说也是无益
爱不爱我已经没关系
一点小伤而已
你可以很放心
我不会为了留你
假装可怜兮兮
都怪我太不争气
我恨我爱你
oh~我爱你
只是因为你是你
oh~我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的…
.新恋情
没关系…
我有你拿也拿不走的旧回忆
我可以一个人安静的忘记你
我恨你最后那一句
我爱你

random thoughts

2006-02-01T00:26:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to believe that the most beautiful kind of love is the kind that won't be requited, ever. really.

I should have known...

2006-01-31T02:25:00.000+08:00

The laughing voices
of lovers passing by
makes me get all choked up.

Even though the rain has stopped
on this weekend afternoon,
I'm walking the streets all alone,
even though
I want to be with you.

I should have known this.
If I fell in love with you that much,
I would hurt just as much.

Even though I know it's heart-wrenching,
I keep thinking only of you,
even when
I can't see you.

Even though
I know I shouldn't think about
how I wish we could always be together,

even now, the voice of my heart,
which I've tried to suppress,
seems to overflow
endlessly...
so much so that it hurts.

I should have known.
I just can't keep my love for you
inside, all to myself.

But now, it's a precious thought.
I believe in the truth
only I see,
and keep on loving you.

I should have known.
I just can't keep my love for you
inside, all to myself.

But now, it's a precious thought.
I believe in the truth [1]
only I see,
and keep on loving you.

2006-01-31T00:26:00.000+08:00

Official time of death : 2206
Name :GOH AH KIM
Date : 30012006

My grandfather has passed on.

A minute of silence for him please.

And I'm now at the funeral, looking after the coffin. The time now is 12:34 AM. For the next 3 nights, I will be doing just this.

I'm not complaining. I think my grandfather has chosen the best time to move on, Lunar Chinese New Year. All family members were there with him at the last moment.

Yesterday, I was suddenly summoned by my aunt from my relative's house because my grandfather complained of abdominal pain and he had to be rushed to hospital. Immediately, I felt something in me tingle. I rushed there in a cab immediately.

It was a terrible sight at my grandparent's house. My aunts and the maid were in a fluster. My grandmother was wheezing.

"Boy ah, can you take care of grandmother? I'm going hospital to see your grandfather"

And with that, she ran out of the house.

tbc...

i carry your heart with me...

2006-01-15T08:00:00.000+08:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

2006-01-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

waited for 4 hours for a meal that didn't happen.

真愛宣言

2006-01-08T10:13:00.000+08:00

給我愛絕對的自由　讓我能完整的擁有　
人海裡總有個人在等候　不必煩憂　
把青春盡情來揮灑個夠

不要說天長和地久現在我難以預測以後
情海裡尋找千萬個理由　要走要留　
愛不再閃亮　不必再守候

靠近我　一同感受心跳的節奏　
每分每秒生命　不要錯漏
緊緊跟隨著快樂的腳步走　
愛不眠不休　夢繼續追求

悲傷的回憶不要收藏起太久　
真心的我等待深情回收
好好回應我釋放的溫柔　在幸福源頭　
讓愛情不會有停電的時候

untexted.

2006-01-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

Loving him is like the passionate wait for a flower to bloom in the winter.

Festive Greetings.

2005-12-25T09:46:00.000+08:00

Hello, my dear four-legged friends out there. Its 25th of December so now I will wish everyone A HAPPY HAPPY MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS !

超发可圣诞快乐!!!!!!!!!!

Will post abt my performances and my Christmas camping trip later...

TIRED..

but it was FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1...............................

v3 here!

2005-12-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

The depression is lifting... I think.. And so it semms, the feeling has its roots from time being alone. Yes. I know now. I am s cared of being alone. Probably because in the future, I will be. Clinging to my archaic beliefs, I may well wind up be an old, bitter old gay man cursing at God and life.

I don't want to, you know ?

I want to end all these feelings so that I can start caring for other things that actually matter. My friends, my family and world affairs. I want to do voluntary work. I want to go on missions to save homeless children. I want to help those aged in homes. But I can't. I am consistently blogged down by these hideously humane feelings.

Can I make a deal with you God ?

Complete my life. Complete my love. And I will devote to you this body and soul, in full purity and intensity.

depression, the new blue.

2005-12-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

recently, experiencing bouts of depression. my moods are swinging like a rolling fucking coaster. they say depression is caused by unsolved problems. but my problems are literally, unsolvable. if they are so easily tackled, it would be a non-issue.

thats why now, im gonna take the route of escapism, though not exactly. im going to be a material girl. Crumpler and V3, here I come.

and as a side note, The Descent is a fuck-myself-silly good show ! Picture 5 girls killing each other.

How cool is that.

a lady's words

2005-12-10T20:44:00.000+08:00

In life I would love to believe that love conquers all. And that it would bring us through all problems. But all my life, though short, I haven't seen anything that I believe can be a substantial proof of my naivety. But I won't give up. You know, to you and you. I'm telling you. Because if I give up on believing and loving, I would give up living. There are more things way more important than money, sex and fame. We just haven't found it uet. For the last relationship, or at least, a resemblance of it, I was hurt, totally. Heartbroken, shattered. But all through the period, even though I was battered over and over again.l I still believed that he could love me. You told me it was stupid. I couldn't accept it. I cannot , will not and never give up without a fight. Because I believe. And now, in these times again, only faith in myself and good karma can bring me through.

Of dreams and heaven

2005-12-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

Diana Degarmo - Reachin for Heaven

All my life
There was just me and my dreams
And the days went tickin' by
Like the beat of my heart

Spend my nights
Wonderin' how it would feel
When the waiting would end
And tomorrow would start
Suddenly I see the light
Out of the darkness I'm comin' alive

So this is how it feels
Reachin' for heaven
This is how it feels
Kissin' the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I'm reachin' for heaven

All this time
I never knew I was so strong
But you made me find the fire
That was there all along
In your eyes
I can see all I can be
Suddenly I want it all
And I know you'll catch me if ever I fall

So this is how it feels
Reachin' for heaven
And this is how it feels
Kissin' the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I'm reachin' for heaven

You alone have shown me
Shining new hope rises now for all
I owe you
It's my turn to show you

This is how it feels
Reachin' for heaven
And this is how it feels
Kissin' the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I'm reachin' for heaven
Reachin' for heaven

This is how it feels
Kissin' the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I'm reachin' for heaven
Reachin' for heaven
Heaven

Having posted the lyrics of the songs, I wonder, how many of us are actually living our dreams ? As I look around my friends, I can safely say only 1 of my guy friends are actually pursuing his dreams in music. However, he is always greeted by cold comments and sarcastic remarks when he harps on his castle in the air. I applaud him, I applaud him now. And I urge all of you all to do so too.

For how many of us have the courage to do what we really want, regardless of what people say ? Not many. In this materialistic and meritocractic country, the only absolutes are money and results. And that, could be easily achieved by this : Primary school - > Secondary School -> Junior College -> University, this, the tried and tested formula to a successful life. Even for myself, who am currently trying to find something concrete to catch on in my musical directions, am forced to take this dreaded route. I don't want to conform, but I have no choice if I have any sense of self-preservation in the future. Because as much as I would like to debunk this, the possession of a degree is actually a very good insurance to at least an average life.

So, I applaud to you , the one who is pursuing your dreams in music. Your 5 O'Level credits. Your changing of schools even faster than I can say fuck. Your belief in having a starting and an ending and every will work out in between. Your retarded optimism.

2005-12-01T20:40:00.000+08:00

Prologue...

some people are just so plain guts-less. instead of posting there on the tag board, why don't you just tell me on sunday ? or you just what you said , chee byes ?

------------------------------------------------------------------

I apologise for not blogging for the longest time and the emotional outburst below. Its just a monthly thing, you know ? Vaginal discharge ? I shan't elaborate any furthur.

I really curse myself for not making my life anymore interesting and colourful, because, nowadays, everything seems to be in schedule. Its so predictable. And people who know me will know that its nuts. I'm not predictable. I'm spontaneous and crazy. I cannot, repeat cannot, repeat again in caps, CANNOT fall into a routine. Thats one deathtrap that I will avoid at all costs.